Importance Of Doing Things—”The Indian Way”

Junk food we loved to eat as teens

My siblings and I belong to a generation whose early childhood was shaped by doing everything “The Indian (Desi) way,” unaware of other influences and traditions. We got introduced to the “Firang (predominantly, American) ways” in our early teens and simply loved to imitate them not realizing that they too had their shortcomings. Burgers, pizzas, rock and pop music, ranger bikes, skateboards, crazy hairstyles, and swag were all included in them at some point or the other. No one questioned those ways at that time, and they were adopted by many because they came from affluent developed nations. And more importantly, we were unaware about the scientific significance of the conventional Indian lifestyle. There came a time when some young member of every family wanted to go to the US or UK and settle down. Many of my generation joined “Dilip Oak’s academy” to excel in GREs and TOEFLs that would pave their way to the foreign countries. It had almost become a norm to complete graduation, go abroad for masters, get a job, and eventually settle there. With kids settling in foreign countries, the NRI parents’ associations and get-togethers got actively functioning during those days. Seemingly, it was considered prestigious to be a part of such groups. Frankly, I never had the urge to go abroad nor had the lure of foreign countries because I felt extremely happy being in India. People did tell me that I had the “frog-in-the-well” attitude to which I replied that this well was mine and I felt immense love and moral responsibility toward this well, which had provided me great education, ample opportunities, and rich experiences.

आईचा दरबार! (Miss Baba though)

I remember my mom mentioning about a conversation she once had with her friend. Her friend (whose both kids were settled in the US) once said, “Anju, don’t lose hope, if not Ketki or Amit (maybe because we are doctors), Shruti at least will go and settle abroad someday.” My mom who was initially both surprised and annoyed, finally laughed out loud at the “barometer of success” (settling in foreign lands) prevalent in the society then. She told her friend that she was the happiest mother on earth because all her three children had a made a conscious decision to stay in India and she was fortunate enough to meet each one of us every weekend at her place—a practice we have continued till date with our spouses and kids. My father fondly used to call it “आईचा दरबार!”

Coming back to the Indian ways of life, I think that there was always a knowledge-based and logical reason behind our elders asking us to do things the Indian way, although they did not always explain it to us appropriately (a slap on the butt was guaranteed if too many questions were asked) or they simply put it as “असं शास्त्र असतं” (made famous by the #BhaDiPa series). I would like to mention about a few logical and technically correct customs that perhaps have begun to fade away, and must be preserved.

Washable लंगोट

We are aware of the age-old practice of the use of “washable लंगोट” in newborns (not sure if it’s still prevalent though). To those unaware, लंगोट is a soft, reusable, cheap, pure cotton cloth used in place of a diaper, best suited for the sensitive skin of a newborn. Most parents have moved on to the diaper, given its convenience, [un]knowingly ignoring the amount of waste it creates and its unsuitability to the tropical climate, especially when used for long periods (particularly, in a girl child), not to mention the diaper rash it causes in many. Diapers can be used late at night and removed early in the morning or when the child needs to be taken outdoors for a long time. For the other times, relying on the unassuming लंगोट is not a bad idea at all.

As children grow up and learn to eat on their own, it is best to teach them to eat with hands. This practice not only helps in the development of fine motor skills, but makes the food taste better and eating, a satisfying experience. The use of the sophisticated spoon, fork, and other cutlery can be left for outdoor dining.  

Literally pity the toilet paper!

It is important to teach kids to use an Indian toilet rather than the western one. The Indian toilet structure provides adequate pressure and exercise to the pelvic muscles, aiding in complete evacuation. Not to mention that its contact-free nature makes it more hygienic than the western toilet. In this context, some must have remembered the “squat potty toilet seat” that emulates the Indian way of squatting and had created waves in the West. So before you think of replacing all the toilets in your home by a western toilet, think twice. It may not be worthwhile. I also firmly believe that the toilet paper, however hygienic and convenient it may seem, can never substitute a decent-sized mug and plenty of water. (It is no wonder that the left-handed friends of my generation had a hard time convincing their mothers that it was OK to be a leftie). This is precisely the reason we do not eat with both hands in the Indian culture. Here, I would like to quote a jovial friend of mine who sums this up rightly, “एक हात खाता आणि एक हात धुता” 😉 (meaning, “one hand for eating and the other for washing”). Similarly, the practice of using a bucket, mug, and stool (to sit on) for having a clean bath is preferable and hygienic than a tub, which is accident prone, especially in the kids and elderly, not to mention the water wastage it causes.  

Heaven on earth…. slurrp….

Most sophisticated and educated people criticize the road-side eateries and opt for food at posh restaurants (Italian, Greek, Continental to name a few). However, I think we must also relish the road-side pani-puri, A1 pizza, vada-pav, badam / anjeer shek [sic], Mewad kulfi, sugarcane, and mango juice than spending exorbitant amounts on pizzas, burgers, French fries, Cadbys, or Cadshakes. Street food can not only satisfy our cravings but also provide excellent gut immunity. This reminds me of having a vada-pav and sugarcane juice as my daily breakfast (at a meagre price of Rs. 4) after our morning classes in the 12^th standard. I am so obsessed with the vada-pav that I once calculated and told my friend the number of vada-pavs he would have bought instead of the prestigious membership of a club he was applying for. I also remember having played a prank on my US-settled friend by mixing his Bisleri bottled water with tap water on his visit to India. On learning that, he panicked and immediately consumed prophylactic medicines to prevent stomach upset. Boy! I still remember the shocked look on his face till date. On his way back to the US, I gifted him a bottle of water I consumed from the various hospitals and places I visited so that his gut could have the required microbes.😐

Love the “Suta” sarees. Photo Credit: Sujata and Daya

Next on this list is the traditional Indian attire, which is popular among all sections of the society. Once regarded as daily-wear, the sarees, lehengas, ghagras, kurta-pyjamas, and dhotis are nowadays more common as fashion statements. Women love flaunting their lovely sarees that come in various textures, patterns, and colors from different places all over the country. Apart from adding to a woman’s grace and beauty, they can be worn for any occasion—from marriages to conferences. In my mother’s opinion, when in doubt about what to wear, always go for a well draped saree! It conceals the figure for those with not so great curves, and yet enhances the figure of those with great curves. Not only does it instill confidence but is also suited to the Indian climate. The Indian saree is incomplete without Indian jewelry that is available in abundance for everyone: right from the street-side Tulsibaug variety to the high-end branded gold jewelry. Gold is rightfully called “Stree-dhan” (The economists have a valid reason to disagree though) because it can be easily exchanged for money in an emergency like Covid-19. The fad of using tight jeans in men is known to cause sterility. Isn’t it better to opt for trousers at work and loose pyjamas or even the traditional lungi at home, given that we stay in a tropical country!🙃

Need my mom always

The concept of joint families is slowly fading away in our country, especially in the cities. A joint family binds its members together. It has been heard that the elders of such families feel emotionally more secure and stable and have better health overall.  However, the MIL-DIL combo does not necessarily get along, and hence the emergence of “nuclear families” today. In our culture, the kids stay with their parents for quite some time before they start earning well. My mother did not think twice before financing my M. D. entrance examination fees and later my college fees, and I too never thought that I was wrong in asking her for it, considering the bank balance I had in my account. I think this kind of healthy interdependence and symbiosis strengthens close relationships. There is nothing wrong in accepting and saying, “I need you.”

India, a God-fearing country, believes in a lot of idol worship (perhaps that has made a few atheist). However, the concept of God was primarily introduced to make man believe in some greater / superior entity or an invisible power to get solace, positivity, and encouragement to do better in life and remain grounded. It can be comforting to know that something bigger is also playing a part in your destiny and you alone need not take the blame for all the disasters in your life 😊. I think that this healthy belief system may be good defense against mental illnesses such as depression or isolation.

Aptly said!

To conclude, I think our Indian traditions, customs, and ways-of-life hold a lot of water (wisdom and logic). I definitely do not disapprove of the firangi ways, but we should use discretion in making a choice to follow what suits us the best. It would be great if we can preserve these customs for our future generations and stop them from being history. On a lighter note, in a bid to keep a few of our traditions going, we could ask our kids not to forget “The Old Monk” (and its associated wisdom) although other expensive foreign liquor brands are wooing customers 😉. On an ending note, let us change the concept:  “घर की मुर्गी दाल बराबर” to “घर की दाल मुर्गी बराबर.”

The War In The Kitchen!

The “DhakDhak” song was the only saving grace of this otherwise highly melodramatic movie

The MIL-DIL war needs no introduction to us, especially, the “family-oriented” Indian society. The “MIL-DIL” duo have their own “biased” version that they eagerly gossip with their respective close friends. This gossip not only relieves stress but also gives some solace to women when they realize that the situation is the same in every household with some variation here and there (the Marathi saying: “घरोघरी मातीच्या चुली” sums it all). Interestingly, both seem right in their own viewpoint, making it impossible to find a solution and thereby conclude the feud. Bollywood has often sensationalized the relationship between the duo (either way) making it intolerable to watch such movies. Not to mention that such depictions are a perfect channel to provide more food for thought to some scheming ladies. I think, by and large, this relationship remains an average association throughout lifetime, where both agree to stay together on mutual terms. It goes through ups and downs every now and then, and just when the “poor guy” (who is the shared entity in this relationship) feels that things are finally settling down, something goes wrong leaving the household unsettled again.

Our Family!

Fortunately, I am very well aware of the pros and cons of staying with and without in-laws, having experienced it both ways. Someone has rightly said that giving adequate space to each other keeps relations intact. But some MILs do not allow the couple enough time to bond with each other making it difficult, (un)intentionally causing a strained son-DIL relationship. Some MILs have a very strange way of thinking. They feel that because they were troubled by their MILs, it is their right and responsibility to follow suit with their DILs. At times, the DIL’s mother is the one to blame. Such mothers have the habit of poking their noses in their daughter’s marriage, and few spoil it big time rather than making it work. Few mothers decide to stay aloof (being overly bothered about society opinions) and ask their daughters to find a solution on their own, even if the daughters are having a real hard time. I have been raised by a woman who has always asked me to let go of a few things for the sake of sanity, yet politely and affirmatively put forward my point whenever necessary.

Kelkar-Ramanan get-together

Well, this lockdown got me and my MIL staying together after 12 long years. It definitely wasn’t an easy start because there was hardly any unanimous decision on even the smallest of things. Most of the times, the reasons for the differences of opinion were so illogical and silly that Vijay couldn’t believe that the Ketki he knows would get into such arguments in the first place. Well, it so happened that each one of us wanted to have their own way in the kitchen. I wanted to enjoy some freedom to cook in these lockdown times and experiment with novel dishes like cakes and momos. She was eager to cook her South Indian dishes (rice with sambar/rasam) every day. The last straw was on a day when on telling her that I wanted to cook, she stood behind me, instructing me to do things her way, making me uncomfortable after all these years of independence Actually, I would have easily taken this advice if I were in my 20s (read moldable and compromising), more so, because mine was a love marriage. I guess I was piqued for being judged at the age of 40, an age when some women of the earlier generation became grandmothers! I personally think that a DIL-MIL relation can never substitute a mother-daughter relation. In an effort to maintain our respective hold on the kitchen, we found ourselves at war there. Laughable as it seems today, both of us made persistent efforts to show Vijay who was better at cooking! The poor guy had no choice but to appreciate both of us because he didn’t wish to die of starvation. In my next attack, I added a little more than my routine jaggery in every dish I made and she counter-attacked by adding more coconut in the meals she made. Of course, I did love and relish the South Indian food cooked by her, but my brain had gone for a toss and hence I did not appreciate it.

Patience gone for a toss!

This winning and losing battle continued for a couple of weeks more, and one day I called it quits due to mental exhaustion. I finally declared that I would be going on a short vacation to my mother’s place. The best part of being a doctor in these lockdown times is that I can go out of the house at any time of the day without getting a slap on my butt from the police. The news of my spat with my MIL had already reached my mother’s ears. After having understood my side, my mom first counselled and told me that my behavior was unreasonable and I should take my MIL’s age into consideration and respect her decisions.  She also called up my MIL to tell her that Ketki too had reached midlife with her patience going for a toss. She reiterated the fact that it was inappropriate to burden Vijay with this unnecessary stress when he was fighting the real Covid-19 war at the hospital. I think these sensible words completely changed the dynamics of our relationship. Vijay’s mom called me up and asked me to come home as she had made my favourite “payasam”. When I went back home, I apologized to her and we discussed and reached a consensus where the morning food would be cooked by her and evening fare by me without mutual interference. This worked really well for us, and we started bonding again. Slowly we started appreciating and complimenting each other’s food preparation.

Celebrating MIL’s birthday this year

Soon after I started my work, I realized that it is not worth wasting time on these petty quarrels when the world is at a serious war with Covid-19. Moreover, I have figured out a way to guess her mood from her replies when I say bye to her before leaving for work in the morning. Her reply not only gives a clue to her mood but also to the food that would be prepared that afternoon. I call it the food-mood indicator.

Peace in the kitchen now

Although a few differences do crop up sometimes, we both have decided to ignore them and stay happy till we are together. Well, I don’t think even God will be able to understand the dynamics of this complex relationship. Even if an AI chip with the ideal behavior learning is planted in the duo’s head, chances are that the AI may soon re-learn the twisted mechanics of this relationship, ultimately resulting in the same “तू तू मैं मैं.” Well, I think every DIL needs to sit and openly discuss her pain points with her MIL and vice versa to reach a rational conclusion. After all, both need each other’s help not only in the kitchen but in other areas of life too. We definitely need to let go of a few things, and if we do so, trust me, things will only get better like they did in my case.

Dedicated To My IT Friends!

Keep guessing! 

This lockdown has given me some precious time to connect with my twin sister—Shruti. It is on her cue that I write on the perils of working in the IT sector and the reason behind her quitting the same, to go “The Pranic Healing” way! The enthusiastic and prompt feedback from my friends in the IT sector makes me dedicate this post to them!

I and my sister parted ways (education-wise) after the 12^th boards when she decided to pursue computer engineering and I, medicine. Though inappropriate to compare the medical with the non-medical field, we realized that there was a stark difference in the educational patterns of our courses and our college environments. This was a big change for us, especially after having studied together till the age of 18. Not to mention her passing the engineering exams with flying colors with the ultra-thin “Jigar” booklets (equivalent to Navneet guides) coming to her rescue, and me having to study from the medical tomes, only to get marks about close to hers. Quite predictably, these conditions brought about a drastic change in our behavioral patterns too—the epigenetic change. Paddy (Vijay’s brother) fondly says that he quit his medical education in favor of engineering after watching Vijay study.

Different yet alike!

After completing her bachelor’s degree in computer engineering in 4 years, Shruti got comfortably selected in a reputed company through campus interviews. She went on to get married at the age of 22 and got “settled” in life. And here I was, still in the process of beginning my internship, studying for the post-graduate entrance exams, and totally uncertain of my future. Talking of the timeline differences in the medical and IT fields, I completed my post-graduation and started my professional practice, a good 6 years after she started professionally. Like most medicos, it took me quite some time before I started earning well for myself. In the meantime, my sister had changed jobs twice, been abroad quite a number of times, and was doing extremely well professionally. Indeed, I felt envious of her at times and mentioned to her that she was lucky to be in the IT profession. She could chill-out on the weekends after working 5 days a week, leaving behind her work-stress at her sleek office (ultra-modern comfy cubicles, fully air-conditioned rooms, and delicious food in office canteen whenever needed). She used to mention about the innumerable parties they had to celebrate new product launches and promotions. Seemingly, the cake and pastry industry saw a major boom due to the demands from the IT industry 😉. In all this glamour that is characteristic to this profession, I conveniently failed to see and understand the stressed, tired, and unhappy look in my sister’s eyes.

Look forward to our walks
and Katta-time!

One day I called her up to ask if all was well at her end because we were out of touch for some time. When we met that evening at our usual “Katta,” she finally opened up, “Ketki, my work is getting highly monotonous and offering me zero job satisfaction. It’s very painful to work under people who either don’t give due credit to your work or rob you of it. You very well know that I just can’t do the “flatter your superior” thing. You can see our fun-filled weekends but not the grueling 5-day work-week, when most of our day is spent in travelling, working on back-to-back deadlines buried in our laptops, and attending numerous meetings. Despite working long odd hours, neither my boss, nor my family, nor I am happy. We deal with virtual stuff mostly, and I really wonder if that has any value in real life. In fact, I consider your job to be more satisfying—making a significant difference to human life. You do have a hectic life, but there is happiness on your face at the end of the day because of the satisfaction of saving someone’s life. Taking on the challenges of real-life uncertainties is what keeps you going. Take it from me, I am sure to quit this IT sector one fine day to do something that pleases me.” She finally quit (well, that was a brave decision), and is now enjoying doing things that make her happy.

My brother-in-law glued to his laptop the entire day

I also happened to talk to a few friends working in this sector, and they too echoed this sentiment. Majority felt that although they worked on cutting-edge technologies, worked for big-shot clients, learned the latest skills, enjoyed growth prospects with comfortable salaries, worked in an open culture with excellent infrastructure, had flexible timings with work from home (WFH) option, had onsite opportunities offering exposure to different cultures and people, still they felt that their jobs lacked work-life balance. Blame it on the never-ending deadline pressures, performance pressure, heavy workload at times with long office hours, and almost nil job stability. IT’s global presence means different time zones and working odd hours. This, coupled with a sedentary lifestyle can lead to a host of health problems over time. Not to mention attending critical customer calls, just as we doctors do. Due to continuous changes in technology and the pressure to be a part of the rat race, they are always on their toes. Some felt that it is a common choice for many owing to the handsome salaries, although the glamour surrounding this career is kinda hyped.

Shru asking me to chillax!

I got a brief experience of this work culture when I attended a few “meetings” at our molecular lab. Most meetings had the same agenda with little time for actual work in between. How on earth was one going to get time to work if the next meeting was scheduled in an hour. I eventually told my CEO that I would not attend any because they were not helping me. I would rather perform a bone marrow, give a diagnosis, prognosticate the disease, and start the treatment (well, the hematologist) of a patient in a span of just 5 days. If I had been in the IT profession, I would have dismissed all meetings or restricted them, maybe to a couple per day, with each lasting no more than 20 minutes. Frankly, I would have made an exit from that profession early on.

To each his own!

We as doctors have been given to believe that we deal with greater stress and frustration than the IT folks, because at times, even with our best efforts, some patients fail to respond to treatment, and sometimes, we have to face the wrath of their relatives. However, I would like to appreciate and applaud the IT guys who deal with the same complex problems over and again and work with demanding global clients. No wonder these guys crave for the weekends and holidays to relieve their work-stress. Every profession comes with its pros and cons, and it is up to us to make the best of it. As is said, “To each his own.”

The Vada-Pav Child

Today, I would like to share a gratifying and memorable experience that changed my perception about life!

Blood cancer cells

One fine morning, while I was working in my lab, I got a call from my hematologist asking me to analyze the smear of a sick 8-year-old male child referred to him. The child had high-grade fever with severe joint pain. Unfortunately, this child had acute lymphoblastic leukemia (a blood cancer type), and after a few diagnostic tests, I counselled his parents about this disease, its prognosis (the way his cancer would respond to treatment), and the finances required. The parents told me that it was literally impossible for them to afford this treatment modality (they owned a small vada pav stall) and that they would rather take him home. I couldn’t imagine this child dying in front of his helpless parents. Knowing that this child had a good prognosis, I suggested that help could come to them if they made an effort and not leave the treatment halfway through. I routed them to the social worker of our NGO (MVR Welfare foundation, 80G approved), and the entire chemotherapy treatment of two years was taken care of.

MVR Welfare Foundation volunteers educating school children about blood cancer

As expected, the child did well. I grew very fond of this child and he too would never leave the hospital premises without meeting me every time he came for his doses. The spark in the eyes of this cute ever-smiling child always made me happy and thank God for saving him. I strongly believe in karma. However, at times it is good to have faith in the divine entity. It gives us strength. Two years passed by and on the last day of his chemotherapy, the child’s mother told me that the school refused to admit the child as he had already lost two school years and they could not promote him to the next class. I called up the principal requesting her to re-admit him because he definitely deserved another chance. The poor child was dealing with life and death here, and the school was bothered about his scholastic performance. Quite reluctantly, the school principal agreed. After this, I took the child to the hospital canteen, and while we were enjoying our Cornetto together, he promised me that he would go to school regularly and study well. The parents thanked me and left.

The child calling me to have vada pav (This art is born out of Ananya’s adoration for her mother)

Three years later, one evening I had gone to drop my friend at the railway station and happened to hear a child calling me by my name. I was puzzled at first, but in no time, I realized that it was the same bright child running towards me. Here he was, back again, very much in front of my eyes. As I gave him a warm hug, he took me to his vada pav stall. The mother-child duo offered me tea and fresh vada pav. That was the tastiest and most memorable vada pav treat till date. He told me that he was doing well in studies and helped his mom in the evenings. This boy made me proud, and all the efforts spent on him were totally worth it!

Keep smiling all the time!

We all are tirelessly running around and busy building our future while forgetting that God already has a master-plan put in place for each one of us. My take on life is to enjoy each and every moment and keep smiling all the time because one can never know what lies ahead. Consider yourself lucky to be able to get up alive from bed the next day and don’t waste your time judging others because if you do so, you will have no time to love them.

The Maharashtrian Hindi

The coronavirus pandemic lockdown extension for another 15 days has offered some bonus free time to pen down some thoughts. Today’s topic is a funny take on the confusions language can cause with special emphasis on a characteristic, typical to most Marathi people—The art of conversing in Marathi-Hindi.

This Puneri friend of mine-Lalit is supremely proud of his Maharashtrian Hindi!

Barring few Puneites, most have a hard time having a fluent and meaningful conversation in Hindi. Despite their limited skill in this language, but being genetically confident, Puneites continue to talk their characteristic Hindi, wherein majority of the words are Marathi. They also add their unmistakable Maharashtrian accent to their Hindi, especially the ones living in the “Peth” areas. I think maybe they get a kick of some sorts by speaking this way and continue talking so, even if the other non-Maharashtrian speaker doesn’t mind talking to them in Marathi. A majority are bad at this language, mainly because while speaking, they first think in their mother-tongue, Marathi, and then do a literal translation of the same in Hindi. I learnt the Puneri Hindi from my father, who of course wasn’t great at this language. Fortunately, my mother speaks fluent Hindi because a vast majority of her patients are from the Hindi-speaking community. She helped me with my Hindi grammar and essay writing, and perhaps that’s the reason I topped the Hindi Rashtrabhasha exam in 9^th standard. My father was shocked, surprised, and elated in that order, to learn that perhaps his daughter’s Hindi had finally improved. But alas, I continue to speak the same Puneri Hindi till date, despite Vijay’s excellent fluency and command over it. Looks like his Hindi skills haven’t rubbed off on me, and maybe my mental block still remains as I continue with my own style.

Having a hard time explaining Thalassemia in Hindi

A few months ago, Vijay and I conduced an awareness program on thalassemia for our thalassemia patients. Sensing a non-Maharashtrian crowd, I asked them which language would help them understand the topic better. To my dismay, they said Hindi, while I secretly hoped for English. Thankfully, Vijay came to my rescue on sensing that I was either about to goof it up big time or literally get a heart attack and helped me with the lecture. By the end of it, I was sweating profusely and literally saw God in Vijay. On thanking him for being my savior, he advised me to stop acting over-smart unnecessarily and keep my mouth shut when needed. End of discussion.

My father’s friend going bonkers after hearing him speak Hindi

Last year, my GenePath lab got a fresh coat of paint. Nikhil, who visited the lab a day after the painting work was over, couldn’t bear to stand there because of the smell. He immediately called up the painter and said, “आप जल्दी आओ और कुछ करो, डोळे में चुरचुर हो रहा हैं.” I burst out into laughter and asked him if the painter had managed to understand him. He was right, the Marathi-Hindi way, but no native Hindi-speaking fellow would have really understood it. This incident also reminded me of my father’s good Hindi-speaking friend who once asked my father to stop talking in Hindi. It so happened that my father was trying to explain a situation where someone ran fast and fell down with a thud. As per the Marathi-Hindi style, my father said, “अरे, वो जोर से पळ्या और धपकन पड्या,” on which, his friend couldn’t stop laughing. A true Hindi lover would have committed suicide due to frustration.

Hats off Jitu and Vishal-our shero-shayari guys!

Sometimes, adding to my woes are those intelligent friends who get creative with the ”शेरो शायरी” stuff on our Whatsapp group conversations. Someone starts with a “शेर” and amidst “वाह वाहs,” few others keep on adding to it. I once tried to comprehend a so called “simple शेर” 10 times yet understood only 50% of it. Not ready to give up, I opened an online dictionary to find out the meanings of the difficult words in the “शेर.” In a little while, I got bored trying to co-relate the heavy words with the hidden meaning of the “शेर.” I soon realized that this was not my cup of tea and decided to quit. I am actually in awe of those who write good Urdu poetry. They sure are a different breed. The only poetry I have written in my life is on “Dhu” (Butt), and I am proud of it. Jokes apart, I am a very evidence- or fact-based person and can never think the abstract way like some do.

I recently found out that “Dhu” was called “Tashrif” in Urdu (actually, it’s a pun, and the real meaning of “तशरीफ़” is “Bring your presence”) and hence, “तशरीफ़ लाइए.” My mother-in-law once told me “कुण्डी,” which means “latch” in Hindi means “Butt” in Tamil and Malayalam. “गांडू” is a Hindi slang for “Butt.” However, it simply means crazy or stupid in Gujarati language. I remember my childhood neighborhood Gujarati friends calling each other “गांडू छे” or “गाण्डी छे” and in turn we laughing uncontrollably. It was only when they clarified that it meant “mad or stupid” did we stop laughing loudly but continued to giggle, nevertheless.

Kaleja means liver and not heart!

Confusing as it can get, we all know that “कलेजे का टुकड़ा होना ” means “being very close to the heart.” How on earth would anyone expect a Puneri person to know that “कलेजा” is liver and not heart. In Marathi, “काळीज” is popularly interpreted as heart. Well, “Liver का टुकड़ा होना!!”; looks like liver is more important to them than the heart. This happens when several languages are spoken in a country and when people from different cultures stay together or get married.

The unforgettable song of our generation from the movie HUM

This also reminds me of our stay in CMC, Vellore, Tamil Nadu wherein Vijay was into the habit of uttering the word “चुम्मा” all the while. On asking him if he knew it meant a kiss in Hindi, he said that in Tamil, it meant “For fun.” Being a brilliant and studious guy, he had not heard the super-hit song “जुम्मा चुम्मा दे” from the movie “हम,” otherwise he wouldn’t have said this word left, right, and center. On coming to Pune, post his D.M, he surprisingly stopped saying this word. I guess something must’ve happened; although he refuses to talk about it.

Personally, I think Hindi is a very complex language, and I choose to stay away from it to save myself from becoming a laughing stock. But at times, to lighten up the mood, I deliberately speak in my Marathi-Hindi. In times like these (the coronavirus-induced lockdown times), it is always heartening to see someone laugh at your jokes. In the end, after a person is gone, all we remember is that they made us laugh and not how good or bad their Hindi was!

My Dear Ones!

The “Jawani janeman” song!

This Ganapati festival has been my finest in the last few years, and I have immensely enjoyed the entire process right from Ganesh chaturthi to visarjan. All the social events and gatherings we had during this festival, showcased excellent unity, perseverance, enthusiasm, team spirit, and friendship (in-line with the true spirit for which Lokmanya Tilak started this social event). Our dance performance presenting different eras (right from the “Mere Piya Gaye Rangoon” of the 50s to the “The Jawani Song” of today) of Bollywood songs was a huge hit, and the cheering and whistling crowd gave us a tremendous high. Everyone put their best foot forward and basked in the newfound stardom. As rightly pointed out by a friend, we can endure the physically and mentally challenging work-weeks only because of the promise of meeting and chilling out with friends on weekends.

My dear ones!

A few weeks back, a friend who appreciated my blog posts asked me the reason behind writing them. The first one I wrote was more of a compulsory professional exercise for the CEO of GenePath Dx (whom we fondly call NJ), who had asked me to write a story that changed someone’s life. I realized that I loved that exercise. Later, I did it for people who inspired me to write, thereby hoping to get their appreciation. I received a lot of it from my near and dear ones. However, in due course, I also realized that irrespective of whatever I did or wrote, not everyone would be happy and encouraging. Given the ways of the world, people will always judge you and have an opinion about every small little thing you do. It is for each one of us to decide what suits us the best because we are here to please ourselves and not anybody else. As true of all life lessons, I learnt this one the hard way too. Therefore, now I write exclusively for myself, although I do feel elated on a few words of encouragement from those close to me.

Wonderful childhood memories! 

Today, I wish to tell you guys about the people who have influenced my life big time. They have shaped me and my life in many ways, and I would like to express my gratitude to them not only for their unconditional support but just for being there in my life. The strongest influence has been that of my mother, for whom I have the greatest respect, love, and appreciation. A pediatrician by profession; a clinician par excellence; an extremely grounded, graceful, good-natured, patient, calm, and successful individual both professionally and personally; and an ever-doting mother, I have always looked up to her for everything. She has been instrumental in shaping my career, and I always wanted to be like her. I have seen the power of healing in her hands. I have not only seen her work tirelessly for her patients but also witnessed and participated in her heroic deeds of saving patient lives. Never has she taken a day off for being tired—the only few days that she took the much-needed break was after my father’s demise. In fact, she had even apologized to her patients for being away for a few days back then. She is very passionate about her work and even while examining the last patient in a hectic OPD, one can find her smiling. There is much to learn from her and her experiences, every single day. I have learnt compassion, empathy, and love for people from her. If only I could imbibe some patience from her! As for my impatient gene, I have inherited it from my father, who is the next person whom I would like to dedicate this blog post to.

Mahabaleshwar diaries

An immensely dedicated, super-talented, hilariously witty, super-cool (I guess most dads have this attribute), highly adamant, and the most handsome man I have ever seen—my father was the best dad any child could have. He had a very difficult start, which he eventually turned into a rewarding and successful career. He loved his profession and his whole bunch of friends (a tad more than my mom). He was always proud of even our smallest achievements and encouraged us to do better. He once mentioned that I had fulfilled his dream of graduating from the prestigious B.J. Medical College, Pune (which was my parents’ and grandfather’s alma mater too), and that he particularly loved me. He fiercely supported and protected me in every walk of life. Not to mention that he was the most jovial man that I have seen so far. My parents stood like a wall for me during challenging times, yet they also made sure that I fought my own battles. I am lucky to have received their love and support whenever needed.

The smiling me and the not so smiling Vijay 😉

The next on the list of influencers is my husband-Vijay, who has supported me professionally like an iron man and pushed me out of my comfort zone, time and again. His inspiration does overwhelm me at times; however, as a true well-wisher, he says, “Ketki, you can only progress in life if you think differently, avoid the herd mentality, and stop being contented with things.” Of course, I can never be entirely like him because God made each one of us differently. To cite an example, while he is busy trying to figure out new innovative treatment methodologies and get awarded for his work, I am dreaming of sharing space with my favorite actor, Lalit Prabhakar, on a big poster opposite the bridge near Deccan—Lakdi pul. Although I get carried away at times, he gets me back on the right track—the super-focused person that he is. Our goals however, are aligned—to make a difference to the society. As best friends do, we have been together through each other’s good and bad times alike and helped and motivated each other to bring out the best in us. It does get annoying at times when he asks me several complex medical queries, which reminds me of him as my viva examiner when I was in my second M.B.B.S. Well, once a teacher, always a teacher; even though he gets married to his student!

Like mother like daughter(s)!

Another inseparable friends, guide, backbone, and philosophers are none other than my bubbly twin sister and my elder brother. They have been my strength throughout and have trusted me at times when no one did. They have helped me wiggle out of the most daunting situations. We have no secrets between us, talk to each other every single day, even if it is just for a couple of minutes, and also have starkly different opinions on certain issues.

Bro with my cute niece!

Although, I must admit that me and my sister are very much similar in most cases. Similar to all the “Judwaa” (twin) theme Hindi movies, when I am in bad mood, she too is, and vice-versa (of course for different reasons; but frankly speaking, I have no scientific explanation for this phenomenon). At the end of the day, all I know is that we will always be there for each other, and this is such a comforting thought!

The next (definitely not the least) biggest influence is that of my never-ending list of close friends, whom I would like to give a big hug for loving and accepting me the way I am; and bearing with my craziness, stupidity, and tantrums at times. I have always been a fun-loving and an uncomplicated person and I am not going to change ever. Life is short, people; make the most of it, and sometimes even doing epic shit is good for health. Trust me. It helps.

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Musafir Café: Of loving, losing, and moving on!

Netflix’s Musafir Café hits us hard. The last episode, perhaps the one with the most twist in the plot, left many emotional viewers like me wondering what could be in store for Preeti, Chander, and Sudha in the next season.😢 I mentioned Sudha specifically at the end of the list because I disliked her for being inconsiderate towards Chander’s feelings despite loving him, caring for him, and inspiring him to pursue his passion. IMO, turning up again after eight years was the most unfair thing she did to Chander and Preeti. Closures are not supposed to be like this, especially when one still has feelings for a person. Sparks are bound to fly if such feelings are suppressed for too long. Musafir Café is not an atypical love story; we have come across several like this before. However, the way its characters beautifully handle uncomfortable relationships, move on, and find love again makes us resonate with it. No murder mystery, unnecessary swearing, violence, obscene scenes, manipulative characters, and also no one on a mission to achieve something extraordinary. Just a simple, fresh, and slow-paced love story that instantly connects with us because the characters come across as people we know— even people like us. It is refreshing to watch such brilliant actors inhabit their characters effortlessly.

Chander and Sudha take their time to understand each other before falling in love, even though their liking for one another seems almost instantaneous. Chander displays a great deal of humility, vulnerability, and finally, acceptance of reality, although the subtle sadness on his face after losing Sudha persists. Sudha, the strong-willed, independent lady, makes sure to prioritize her passion for law over anything else. Preeti, the stellar character that she is, understands what it takes to fulfill both her own and her partner’s dreams.🙂 Many of us would connect with her. Rahil’s subtle efforts to persuade Preeti seem dignified, although they go in vain ultimately. Mark and Neelima’s relationship feels spontaneous and effortless. For a brief while, it seems to bring some solace to Chander and Sudha as well. The mature conversation between Preeti and Sudha is perhaps the highlight of the series. That level of understanding and acceptance is rare to find.

The Musafir in us!

Switching contexts between the past and present is no easy task, and the director gets full credit for pulling it off so beautifully. A cent percent to the series writer as well for his thought-provoking quotes. The songs, lyrics, and mesmerizing locations blend seamlessly into the story. A special mention of this wonderfully composed song: “Darmiyaan” by Amrita Saluja, a society friend. Not to forget the “promise wall” that was created for travelers, with perfectly blended coffee in the perfect mountain setting. Isn’t all this what musafirs like us really need? Musafir café is a place to pause and recollect what we have lost; yet it’s something that also encourages us to be hopeful and move on in life. In this series, there are neither heroes nor villains, and neither is right or wrong— there are just common people like us making their choices carefully and sticking to them. All of us meet, love, lose, and hold on to the bits of memories after our loved ones go their ways. This web series showcases the same, leaving us with an uncomfortable realization that some people are not meant to stay forever in our lives, and that change is the only permanent thing.😇 This perhaps is the beauty of the web series. The dialogue, “सही इंसान अगर गलत वक़्त पे मिले तो हम कसूर वक़्त को देते हैं। पर सवाल तो ये हैं, की क्या हम उस वक़्त अपने लिये सही थे?” sums it all. Do not miss this one!

— With inputs from a few Musafirs!!

Cut the noise! Pleaseeee

A few days ago, some friends and colleagues asked me whether I had given up writing, something I had done religiously for the past six years. I told them that I simply couldn’t think of a topic to write about, although the same wasn’t really true. I could write about almost anything—even potty. I wondered whether it was simple laziness or a cognitive shutdown brought on by my recent liking for Instagram. My brain had become burdened and overwhelmed by the overly loud, confident, and rapid ranting of social media influencers (who are fully aware by now that people’s attention spans have shrunk). Perhaps, under this constant influence, I had lost the ability to think clearly and pen down my thoughts. As I write this one, I hate myself for struggling with the simplest of words. Maybe all I need is some abstinence from these social media apps, though it is easier said than done. I truly think that if I manage to do the same, I can be myself, remain creative, and write more often. This had me wondering: what would happen if Instagram and other social media platforms were banned by the government, just as Telegram was banned a few days ago over fears of the NEET question paper leak? 😳 Although this idea seems improbable at present, would the following happen if it were to come true?

1. To begin with, many of us would feel as though it were the end of the world. Some might even give up on life, citing depression, anxiety, feelings of worthlessness, loss of life goals, fear of the unknown, and utter disgust with life.
2. There would be protests across the country against this decision, but not many would know about them because they would be covered only by newspapers, which few people seem to read these days. Once people would realise that their protests were neither being seen nor heard by the masses, and that they were no longer receiving a dopamine boost as they were receiving earlier from the likes and shares of their social media posts, they would gradually lose interest in the protest drama and quietly head home. 😉
3. Once back home and having nothing else to do except potty, people would begin reconnecting with their families and catching up on each other’s lives. They would start having lunch and dinner together again and relearn the art of face-to-face conversation. Families would create taglines, jokes, and even family songs which would help them reconnect in case they lost their siblings at some Kumbh mela (the likes of Yadoon Ki Baaraat).
4. People would newly realise that despite paying their taxes, they were being fooled by the false promises of political parties all the while—because, with fewer distractions and more time to focus on their everyday challenges, they would begin paying attention to the poor state of affairs in their neighbourhoods and public spaces; and thus start questioning the governing bodies.
5. The “मैत्रीचा कट्टा” concept with friends would resurface again. People would plan outdoor and indoor activities more often (something that was so common during our childhood but seems rare today). Conversations would revolve around how people genuinely felt, rather than voicing opinions influenced by social media.
6. People would get busy in offline activities—reading books, taking up some sports, learning new musical instruments—things that would stimulate our brain and bodies, making us mentally and physically fit and confident. Many would sign up for tree plantation and plastic clean-up drives.
7. There would be fewer road accidents because people would not have any distractions from reels or shorts while driving.
8. Most importantly, our sleep habits would improve drastically, thereby reducing our need for cosmetics endorsed online to look young.🥰 A good night’s sleep would also ensure good gastrointestinal evacuation in the morning.

I have a great deal of love and respect for influencers who create entertaining, informative, and enjoyable content. However, it can’t be denied that social media is messing with our lives. We have become so consumed by our screens that we have forgotten how to enjoy the orgasmic feeling of good potty coming out from our buttholes. All said and done, social media is here to stay. The best we can do is exercise restraint and stop ourselves from being carried away by it to such an extent that we forget our civics book lesson: Man is a social animal (and not a social media animal). Let’s do something about it before we all regress into being monkeys controlled by social media. Instead, let’s try living an active and meaningful life by controlling our habits. Let us not make social media the Pied Piper of Hamelin!!😇

What Women Want?

A recent interaction with a male patient in the operation theatre left both my anesthetist friend and me amused. This patient became unnecessarily upset with us for “multitasking.” He thought we were not giving him enough time, attention, and reassurance to calm his fear and anxiety of the procedure, and were instead focusing on other things (surprisingly, everything we were doing was entirely related to his care). Having already answered umpteen questions from him, we continued working. This prompted him to say loudly, “बास करा कि आता तुम्ही multitasking, आणि माझ्याकडे लक्ष द्या जरा.” We could sense a mix of anger and helplessness in his eyes. This incident reiterated the fact so commonly and proudly stated by men, including my husband, that multitasking is overrated.😄 Their take on it—women who boast of being great at multitasking are unable to focus on a single task at a time, thereby doing injustice to it. Productivity and better outcomes come from concentrating on a single task at a time, and I completely agree with this view.

However, my two cents on this observation is that not everyone has the privilege of doing one task at a time. Many women constantly juggle professional responsibilities and personal commitments, trying hard to maintain balance and harmony on both fronts. In doing so, they often compromise their own mental and physical well-being. Contrary to popular belief, multitasking is not something most women enjoy. It is not done for pride or to prove superiority. It is done out of sheer necessity and because most don’t have a choice.🥴

When women stepped out of their homes for work, they did not forget their household responsibilities. Instead, they took on the double responsibility of surviving and excelling professionally while continuing to be excellent mothers, partners, and caregivers. The result is often an overwhelming load on them that leaves little room for rest or self-care. Moreover, their efforts in managing the load remain underappreciated in most cases. A more equitable distribution of responsibilities at home could make a significant difference. Sharing her tasks would not only reduce exhaustion but also help create a healthier and more supportive home environment. We all want a well-rested and mentally at ease home minister who can contribute positively to the household and beyond. Wouldn’t that be a win-win situation for everyone? So, men, the next time you see your अष्टभुजा / दशभुजा wife juggle multiple responsibilities, consider offering a helping hand. She may hesitate to accept it at first (even though she really needs it), perhaps out of habit or a sense of responsibility, but with time, she will recognize the sincerity behind your gesture. Support, when offered genuinely and consistently, is more likely to create a balanced and peaceful life for the family. We all know what a few egoistic, self-centered, and idiotic men have done to the world! Modern-day women are not asking for power or money. All they want is some peace. Truly, a genuinely happy woman can solve an impossible task quite effortlessly when in a good state of mind. So wouldn’t lending her a hand be worth the effort, guys? 🙂

Ignore, Delete, Repeat

A couple of weeks ago, my twin sister had an amusing—and rather surprising experience with a 42-year-old athlete at her remarkable law college tekdi. While she was working out, a complete stranger walked up to her and asked rather dramatically whether her maiden surname was Kelkar, whether she had studied at Katariya High School, and whether she had a twin sister. Slightly startled, she answered yes to everything. He promptly reminded her that he had once been severely punished at school—all because we, the infamous twin sisters, had spotted him loitering on campus and pelting a tamarind tree with pebbles, and had dutifully reported him to our principal.😬 What truly astonishing was not the story itself, but the fact that he was able to recognize us after a long 25 years (proof enough that we have not aged 😉). The punishment incident had clearly left a permanent imprint on his memory—so much so that while we had completely forgotten the episode (pretty unlike me because I remember the minutest details of my childhood), he was unable to get over it even today.

Our brains have a curious habit of selectively remembering traumatic or unpleasant incidents. Perhaps it is wired to believe that memories of such experiences or failures teach us lessons, humble us, and quietly mould us into better individuals. The mere thought of a particular person, place, or thing that once made us sulk makes us uncomfortable even today. Strangely, we even remember our bad dreams far more vividly than the pleasant ones—dreams involving murder, the loss of a loved one, turning up late for an exam, staring helplessly at an unsolvable Maths paper, our dear crush getting hooked to the person we hate, or losing a huge sum of money to a financial fraud. It’s almost as if the brain keeps on reminding us to constantly worry about one thing or the other.

Imagine being given a choice to retain only one kind of memory. I would immediately choose only the pleasant ones—no questions asked. I wouldn’t care how much emotional damage had followed every bad incident; once it’s over, it’s done with. Life would instantly feel happier, lighter, and I’d be far less judgmental of myself and the people around me. The constant worrying would vanish, headaches would reduce, and the brain would finally stop having unnecessary late-night anxiety. However, without hurtful incidents, failures, and their bad memories, there would be no learning, no take-home messages, no survival instincts, and no growth.😇 Bad experiences make us wiser to handle any future worst-case scenarios. Without these negative experiences, we would just stagnate.

Perhaps the way out is not a complete amnesia of the bad memories, but selective retention—focusing consciously on the lesson learnt from the incident while digesting and forgetting/ignoring the bad memories of the incident. And this too isn’t easy for most of us, especially the “Gen Zs” who are largely shielded from unpleasant situations by their parents and have lived a comparatively comfortable life. Moreover, those who have time to think about it are the worst affected and most miserable of the lot. An idle mind doesn’t rest; it replays the highlights of everything that went wrong. This negativity affects both emotional and physical health. Therefore, it’s best to only remember the takeaways of the bad incident and keep ourselves busy in the present. Think about this scenario: if you were unable to marry the love of your life for some reason, would you choose to remember the great time and moments you spent together or sulk at the breakup part and stay sad forever by remembering the unhappy ending? 🙂

My beautifully unusual yet unusually beautiful better half!

My daughter often complains that I serve her father’s evening meal neatly on a plate every single day, whereas she has to fetch her own. I’ve explained to her umpteen times that I do so because her father tends to miss some or the other food item laid out on the table, to which she simply replies that her father is lazy. What truly baffles me is my husband’s habit of mixing together whatever happens to be on the table—like combining brinjal sabji with soup (if he’s unable to spot the roti), ice cream with paneer, or even drinking black coffee and buttermilk together—and relishing it without even realizing that anything is amiss.😳 I often wonder if he does this because he has poor taste buds or because he’s simply alien to the art of serving himself. What amazes me even more is how this same man, who struggles with such simple things, is able to effortlessly handle myriad complex patient cases as a reputed hematologist.

Supposedly an Asperger

Over the years, I’ve realized that I’ve protected him almost like a mother—defending him against anyone who’s hurt him, apologizing to family and friends for his erratic behavior at social events, and shielding him from uncomfortable and difficult situations. This is mainly because of his discomfort regarding social interactions and his tendency to take things literally, which have led to embarrassing and unpleasant consequences at times. My daughter calls him a short-tempered introvert who finds it difficult to cope with an extroverted wife and feels overwhelmed by everything she does. My husband himself admits that he has characteristics of a high-functioning Asperger’s syndrome (autism spectrum disorder), although everyone (including a psychiatrist he once consulted) tends to dismiss this thought. But having lived with him for twenty years, I can say that he does exhibit several traits of Asperger’s—although, there’s no definitive test to confirm the same.

Here are a few characteristics that make him unique:

1. Love for solitude: He enjoys spending time by himself when at home. Of course, many people enjoy solitude these days—thanks to mobile phones and social media—so this alone isn’t a strong indicator. Yet, he isn’t emotionally detached—he still needs me to be around the house, even if I’m in another room.

2. Lack of close friendships: He hardly has any close friends and has no qualms about it. He is perfectly happy being around my set of friends.

3. Emotional detachment from social circles: He doesn’t miss family or friends for days together, even after spending great time with them in the recent past. On his bad days, he can easily walk past them—probably busy with his inner “tape recorder”—and greets them only when I remind him.😅

4. Avoidance of social interaction: He avoids eye contact with people—even acquaintances, in lifts and prefers not to engage in small talk, often giving the impression of being uninterested.

5. Lack of social reciprocity: He doesn’t realize that it is expected of him to call or check on friends and colleagues whenever they’re unwell.

6. Literal communication: He isn’t sporting enough to take a joke and tends to get defensive, even when a question is asked politely. He can bluntly speak the truth, even when it’s likely to hurt, and finds it difficult to see things from other’s perspectives—often getting angry and bitter as a result.

7. Pedantic speech: His style of speaking is pedantic—he focuses excessively on small details, is fixated on facts, points out minor mistakes, and insists on being technically correct, even during informal conversation. Strangely, he can remain silent at times, in situations where his professional opinion matters, for fear of being technically incorrect in front of intellectuals.

8. Intense focus: When something interests him, he literally becomes that thing. He gets completely absorbed in the thing at hand and does not rest until he knows everything about it. He can discuss Uganda’s economy for hours, list specifications of different cars in seconds, or explain the biochemistry of growth hormones at 5:45 a.m.—though he might forget my name on occasion (to be fair, many husbands do)! I still remember the day, when our seven-day-old daughter was crying inconsolably with evening colic, and he wanted to discuss China’s economy with me.

9. Social discomfort: He avoids attending social events all by himself and insists that I accompany him if it is important. If he’s forced to attend alone, his awkward behavior often makes the host uncomfortable.

10. Difficulty gauging interest: He can’t gauge whether the other person is actually interested in his intellectual data-heavy conversations. While people are certainly impressed by his knowledge, discussing biochemistry at dawn isn’t what most “normal” people enjoy.

11. Competitiveness: He is quite competitive—competing with me, our daughter, and almost everyone else over the smallest things. For instance, the other day, when I did two extra squats, he spent the entire day teasing me about my “extra muscles.”

12. Self-improvement efforts: He reads extensively about self-development, social behavior, and stress management, but still panics when I make last-minute plans or when he has to interact with a neighbor.

13. Sensitivity to sound and focus issues: He dislikes music when at the wheel—even at a low volume—and switches it off the moment another driver behaves rashly, as though the song were to blame. He gets irritated by loud talk or the sound of someone munching at food.

14. Single-task focus: He can do only one thing at a time, and multitasking annoys him greatly.

15. Mood fluctuations: His mood can vary within seconds when faced with an unpleasant situation, leaving my daughter and me wondering as to what exactly went wrong.

Well, I am not here to justify or label him and many may choose to call him a sociopath. And even though his actions can hurt people unintentionally, deep down, I know for sure that his intentions are benign. His way of expressing himself is different, and sadly, it is misunderstood. By putting myself in his shoes, I can imagine how difficult it must be for someone with limited social and communicative skills to interact with patients daily—and I now understand how this completely drains him by the end of the day. My daughter and I make sure to absorb his stress and keep our home environment pleasant and positive. Of course, as humans, we lose patience at times, but we eventually remind ourselves that his actions are his nature and completely unintentional. We are fortunate to have good friends and supportive family who understand him and don’t take offence and make sure he participates in social events of our society. He has his moments—funny, childlike, and completely unpredictable, that make us laugh. After all, every one of us has a little devil hidden inside us that shows up in some form or another—the only difference is, some have a bit more of it than the others. 😁

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Just in time!

All three marriage ceremonies at my home, including mine, were short and sweet, memorable, and hardly exhausting for my parents; courtesy, the excellent and flawless planning followed by timely execution by my mom.😇 Her extraordinary ability to multitask, along with her quick, logical, and firm decision-making done at the right time, have sorted out the most difficult and complex tasks, our marriages included. Never have I seen my parents procrastinate any work or withhold from speaking up when needed the most. My mom emphatically mentions that the secret mantra of her success is “respecting time.” I feel happy to have inherited this quality of hers (and everything else—good or bad, from my dad; my husband knows the best about it); and, I uphold it to such an extent that it hurts and infuriates me when people don’t give “time” its due importance.

Benjamin Franklin’s quote, “Time is money” sums up everything. No wonder he adorns the $100 note. “Being on time” is both an art and a skill, which comes naturally to those who have been taught the value of it in childhood. We come across umpteen podcasts emphasizing the value of time and how they have helped people achieve personal and professional progress. And yet, many of us follow “The Indian Standard Time” and flaunt this not-so-good trait with pride. Why is it that we do not value time? Sadly, many people do not even admit that “not valuing time” is a problem in the first place. They simply do not care about it, whereas some do it on purpose to highlight their importance. Whatever the reason, here are a few tips for my dear readers and my never-ending list of those best friends who are never on time.

• Try to be on time, even for an informal meeting with family or friends. If one can be on time for professional meetings, one can definitely do so for our dear ones. This gesture shows that we care about and respect their time. Imagine your family/friend to be your “examination hall.” Just the way we make sure to be on time for our examination, we can follow suit for such informal meetings as well.
• A 10–15 min delay is understandable owing to unfavorable weather conditions such as incessant rain followed by subsequent road flooding and frustrating commutes. In case a significant (30 min or more) delay is anticipated, it is a good idea to inform the other person over a phone call—this will relieve you and your punctual friend of the stress/cortisol release (unless you want to reduce your friend’s lifespan by a day🤓). This can also help save your friend’s money, primarily, because they would spend less time scrolling through Insta ads while waiting for you and purchase some random unwanted stuff.

Apologizing to my hubby for the delay (Rare pic indeed!)

• It is wise to apologize if you are late. This reduces the anger of your friend/family member by 20%, and a following hug and/or cute smile has the potential of making them completely forget about the anger. 😉 You can then rant about how and why you got late. Also, better to keep a small dairy milk handy if you are one of the latecomers. Even Bollywood stars have not been untouched by this. Story runs that the “chote miyaan,” Govinda, a well-known “Late Lateef” was seemingly scared of getting paired up with the very punctual “bade miyaan,” aka Big B, on the sets of their movie: “Bade Miyaan Chote Miyaan.” He first confessed to Big B about his poor timekeeping habit and then signed the film contract only after Big B’s acceptance of the same.
• Make sure to be on time even if your friends don’t. Slowly, they may realize you are particular about it, and chances are that they will make amends and follow suit. Although this may need patience (which I do not have, पण बोलायला काय  जातंय? :P)
• Try to plan a trip/vacation with like-minded people who respect timelines. Otherwise, your holiday can get difficult and end up being more stressful than your work.

• While choosing a partner, it is practical to marry someone who values time as much as you do. It is extremely frustrating for the time-respecting partner who unwantingly ends up being late for every event, while waiting for the spouse, only to face the wrath of family/friends.
• Make it a point to be on time if you are taking a lift from your friend to the office/get-together/small outing. It is not correct to make them wait for you. I remember my super-punctual father leaving his sister behind for her own celebration party because she got late by 10 min. Finally, she had to take a rickshaw to reach the venue. I still remember his words, “माझी गाडी 9 AM ला निघणार आहे. ज्यांना जमत असेल त्यांनी या. बाकीच्यांनी स्वतःची सोय करावी आणि माझं BP वाढवू नये.”
• Most elderly parents take time to get ready because of decreased cognitive function, coupled with some sort of physical disability. It is wise to tell them a departure time earlier than the actual one, so that they are almost ready by the intended time. In a slight detour from the main topic, make sure to stay fit, healthy, and alert till you are alive, so as to avoid inconvenience to anyone, including your children, rather than blame and hold your grown-up kids accountable for all the miseries in your life; even for your unhealthy habits.
• Women, please give your kids/husbands a 15 min leeway. God gives them a sudden urge to go potty just when the family is about to leave the house/hotel room. Here, one has no choice but to be patient with their intestines and allow them to evacuate satisfactorily.

We are aware of the “Parkinson’s Law (of time)” (how work expands to fill the time available for its completion). Being or not being on time is neither gender-, socioeconomic status- (rich or poor), work- (working or non-working), nor age-specific (old or young). Parents who respect time usually have kids who follow suit. Although we need not be so rigid about it all the time, especially in our country, where being flexible in almost everything is a way of life and also necessary for survival. However, the next time you see me come well-dressed for a function on time, you can attribute it to the good planning of choosing a saree with its matching blouse and jewelry from the cupboard a day prior and ironing it before going to bed. Remember the Paresh Rawal character from the Bollywood film “Andaz Apna Apna” who expected utmost punctuality from everyone around, with his, “तुम पुरे 3 min लेट हो. 3 min का क्या वैल्यू होता हैं जानते हो? 3 min में करोड़ों के डील फाइनल होते हैं.” And although this is an exaggerated and comic film portrayal, his words do make sense. Planning may seem difficult for some, but with practice, we can get close!! After all, time waits for no one.

Who is to blame? Is it really the doctor, or the system that is at fault?

A viral video showing a senior casualty doctor being rudely insulted and suspended by the so-called “Concerned Health Minister of Goa” left me infuriated. My immediate reaction on watching the video was “चायला! डॉक्टर व्हायचंच कशाला? कोणीही टपली मारून जातंय आजकाल.” A month ago, I was already disheartened by a cynical statement made by a non-medico friend on doctors. It so happened that my husband posted an article on “exploitation of physicians” on a WhatsApp group. This friend’s immediate reaction to the article was, “If there is so much doctor victimization around, why do students enroll for MBBS in the first place? Is it for monetary benefits then or patient service?” I was quite surprised because money was never a criterion for me when choosing this profession. In an attempt to find out if the others felt the same way as I did, I asked a few of my colleagues, seniors, MBBS students, and family members (proud to have four generations of doctors in the family) to share their reasons for choosing this challenging and demanding branch.

Family of doctors

The most common reason they gave was the job satisfaction that comes from providing excellent and dedicated service to people and earning their respect. Amongst others, some found medicine intellectually challenging and felt eager to use their knowledge, wisdom, and out-of-the-box thinking skill to cure difficult and complicated cases; not to mention the sense of fulfillment that came with the cure. Some colleagues were motivated by the happy faces of the patients when cured of their complex diseases, and the subsequent dopamine release encouraged these colleagues to do better for other patients. Some mentioned that they used to worship their family doctors in childhood, and the mere aura of their doctors managed to cure them halfway through; thus inspired, they became doctors themselves. Some mentioned that they turned to medicine because they were poor at Mathematics, while others said that because their best friends opted for medicine, they followed suit.😃 Some said they loved to study and learn all the time, while others loved being in the company of intelligent people. Some took up medicine to carry forward the legacy of their doctor parents. IMO, the last lot deserved a lot of credit because they were ready to spend the next 10–15 years of their lives in grueling studies and practice to please their parents, even when some could have wanted to do something else.

Frankly speaking, our society is not very fond of well-to-do doctors and is quick to label them as “commercial” if they raise their charges (conveniently forgetting that people readily pay more for other essentials due to routine inflation; petrol included) or offer limited consultation time. Yet surprisingly, people flock to the OPDs of these very specialists when it comes to their own health to avail the best services. Many even bargain with super-specialists who have a minimum experience of 20–25 years to their credit. Society expects doctors to provide services at cheap rates (for medical problems caused by the negligent behavior of patients) because it has been taught that medicine is a noble profession. In reality, living up to the “nobleness” of this profession has screwed up the lives of doctors. A private professional working in a non-medical field with just about 5 years of experience earns more than an ICU consultant who spends sleepless nights every day to cater to patients and answer the repeated queries of patient relatives with a calm demeanor. A physician hardly receives less than 10% of the total hospital charges for a non-surgical case and has to face the anxious, angry, and even violent patient relatives at times, and further console them! Doctors have to wait for months to receive renumeration from government health schemes and at times, even from the hospitals they visit daily. If a patient asks for a concession, hospitals don’t think twice before deducting the treating doctor’s charges first, to compensate for the same. The “noble” doctors never complain about this reality. The real problem arises when incidents such as the one mentioned above indirectly make the doctor-patient relationship bitter. Such incidents have naturally made doctors wary, and gone are the days of 1-to-1 connect with a family physician, who could be available to answer patient phone calls for their medical problems or even have friendly personal chats with them. It is high time the government investigates why private medical care has become so expensive and how the real aim of this noble profession is getting overridden by the profit-making mentality of the hospital owners. The society must also understand that doctors cannot be blamed for the flaws in the healthcare system. The government doesn’t think twice before spending on building potholed roads or places of worship for political vote bank, yet it shies away from spending on the medical needs of common people. Doctors in India charge a fraction of the price charged by those in other countries. Therefore, the next time you take a doctor for granted or pass baseless comments on them, think of all they have put in: practically their entire lives, and at times, even the sacrifice of their personal interests. It will be only then that the long-lost doctor-patient connect, respect, and trust be established again.

Middle age: A period of grace, poise, strength, and vision

Taljai Gang

Last week, when I was discussing a few hematology cases with my postgraduate students, an interesting and challenging case of a female patient with multiple health problems intrigued me. I asked my student if this patient happened to be an elderly woman (probably due to her long-standing medical history). This student spontaneously replied, “No ma’am, she is a 44-year-old middle-aged lady, of the same age as you.” 😳 Seeing my stunned face, he realized that he had committed a blunder and tried some damage control measures such as offering me a “Starbucks coffee.” I instantly knew that watching the movie: “Baahubali part 1” in the evening was the only thing that would help me recover from this trauma.🥴 Jokes apart, I was truly empathetic towards this lady who had to undergo physical, emotional, and financial suffering at an age where I was able to make dance videos with my friends, take a 6 km walk at the Taljai Tekdi daily, and work as a full time professional. I thanked God for being merciful when I realized that I had very few health problems and was able to recover from them. However, after this incident, in retrospection, I realized that lately, I did behave like a middle-aged woman. And how, you must be wondering was that like? Well, here, I would like to highlight some classic characteristics of middle-aged people.

We typically enter middle age during the early-to-mid 40s. Few, especially the elite and middle class, call it a “midlife crisis.” Middle age can be defined by various traits. It is an age where,

• Neither our kids nor our parents are in the mood to listen to us, are adamant, and consider us to be their sworn enemies
• Professionally, on the one hand, our juniors give us a hard time by trying to outsmart us with their limited knowledge, not understanding that we are there to guide them, and on the other hand, our senior colleagues aged 75+, have no intentions of retiring to make way for fresh talent
• Activities such as running marathons, cycling, trekking, and hitting the gym make us feel psychologically better, but the resultant weight loss makes us look older than those friends who don’t give a damn about exercise (appreciated more in group pics)
• We decide to pursue a new hobby only to leave it halfway through, owing to a lack of self-motivation and self-discipline; or probably, we attempt it due to FOMO because someone else loved doing it, only to fail miserably at it
• We swear at least 100 times a day for even the minutest of things gone wrong
• Any exaggerated praise unworthy of us makes us supremely uncomfortable
• We decide to stop arguing/fighting with people even if they are wrong, just to preserve our energy and mental peace. However, once irritated (after giving umpteen hints), we end up behaving like “Bhallaladeva”
• We are unable to communicate with Gen Z without resorting to the Internet
• Both youngsters and oldies alike, hit on us (and ironically, the ones we admire don’t even bother to look at us) 😬
• A glass of beer gives us a headache the next morning and eating a small piece of sweet increases our weight by 2 kgs the next day 😖
• We doctors decide to forgive our friends in the IT field, who are privileged to visit the office just once or twice a week, earn more than us, and yet complain about not getting an appraisal😁
• Wearing heels feels like a nightmare, and the comfort offered by spectacles over contact lenses matters much more than looks
• We prefer to watch movies and have parties at home, and an invitation to a party stating, “Party starts at 8.30 pm” leaves us fuming, and we end up skipping it
• We continue to have early dinner despite our friends mocking at us
• Loud music at restaurants makes us frown and want to run away
• Eating outside food upsets our tummy and/or causes acidity
• We start losing control over our farts/pisses in public, whenever we laugh
• Most importantly, we even give up on the drawbacks of the systems in our country and don’t hold back our children’s desire to explore their futures in faraway places.

Middle age is a tug of war between youth and old age, wherein we are constantly undergoing a transition—not completely ready to accept the aging process, even if the body and mind are unable to cope with situations like a youngster. Eating healthy food, exercising, laughing at stupid jokes made by or on us, and spending time with our friends definitely decelerates the aging process and needs to be done routinely. Moreover, acceptance of problems and the habit of letting go can make whatever is left of our remaining 1/3rd life, better. Just as the taste of a ripened juicy mango is richer and sweeter than that of the unripe flavor of कच्ची कैरी (green mango), so is the case with middle age that has matured and become wiser over the years—gathering strength and wisdom from the different experiences offered by life so far. So, the next time someone calls you “middle-aged,” accept it with pride and a broad smile.😊

“I” for Impatience, Intolerance, and Irritability

A दणदणीत insult that I recently experienced at the hands of a caretaker of a farmhouse plot next to ours left me shell-shocked (This lady caretaker rudely asked me to step out of her owner’s property as soon I entered it to introduce myself to its new owner. She verbally abused me by yelling, “सगळ्यात आधी गेटच्या बाहेर व्हा आणि मगच बोला.” She didn’t budge despite me repeatedly saying that I was also a member of the same cooperative society, a doctor, and the owner of the property next to theirs. She continued to rant, “तुम्ही doctor असाल किंवा अजून कोणीही असाल, मला काही देणं घेणं नाही.”) 😖 I wondered how a 5-foot petite (and amicable) doctor could be a potential threat to the property. Perplexed, disheartened, and angered by her behavior, I talked to the owner on the phone about this incident. He profusely apologized for the caretaker’s indecent behavior. He then mentioned that the lady’s outburst was the result of a recent bad experience with some “onsite laborers.” This incident left me thinking if people have lost the ability to behave rationally and have in general become intolerant/indifferent/rude over the past few years. Is the mounting stress/anxiety/fear/frustration/insecurity/anger of everyday life, all put together, making us cranky, sour, and even less humane?

Aren’t we witnessing a progressive change in people’s attitudes from good to bad to worse? Gone are the days when people could be trusted without thinking much. A favorite sentence of all senior citizens, “आधी सारखी लोकं राहिली नाहीत आता” sums it up. These days, we are quite cautious while dealing with acquaintances, professional colleagues, domestic help, handymen, etc., and a simple act of goodness by them makes us doubt if they are scheming against us. Equally alarming is the decrease in our tolerance levels. We get pissed off when the Zomato delivery guy delays our food delivery by 20 minutes, or a grocery shopping app fails to deliver groceries within 10 minutes. We get irritated when the traffic signal turns red and start honking no sooner it turns green, without even giving a second to the driver in front. We want our superspecialist to examine us, make a diagnosis, and start treatment, all on the same day. On the medical scene, intolerance has reached such levels that relatives of patients even abuse and beat up doctors when they lose their loved ones to a disease, and for no fault of the doctors. Moreover, we have become a confused lot and a bag of contradictions—we impatiently wait for our clothes to be delivered by online stores but look at them indifferently or even fail to wear them for months when they become a part of our wardrobes. We relate to and watch reels/read books on how insignificant we are in this world, and yet deep down, we desperately wish to make a mark and stay relevant as we relentlessly work to achieve the same. Although we watch countless videos on nutrition/exercise/healthy living, we continue eating the same unhealthy food.🙂 We may feel extremely unhappy from within, but post happiness and satisfaction quotes on our statuses. We do not think twice before criticizing someone on social media platforms. We stress over an unfinished project of our 2^nd standard child and spend sleepless nights trying to figure out how to make it better than those of the other school children. Paradoxically, we continue to tolerate manipulative people, and some even continue staying in toxic relationships (even in the workplace); this clearly indicates that we don’t express ourselves at the right places and keep quiet when most needed because of the fear of losing people, who anyways don’t give a shit about us. What are we trying to achieve?

We live in an age where we are supposed to cope with ever-changing trends to stay relevant, not to mention other challenges such as cut-throat competition, inflation, and FOMOs. Unfortunately, all this has come at the cost of mental peace, leading to irritability, impatience, and intolerance.🥴 Social media has a big role to play in this, and the cycle of being bored/unhappy/unsatisfied followed by being spoilt, pampered, and happy for a short period of time due to the dopamine surge created by social media posts will continue. How then in your opinion can we become more tolerant and patient and yet remain relevant and sane in today’s world? Leave your thoughts in the comment box.

तुम्हाला कोण व्हायचंय? KKite, SKNite, कि अजून कोणी? (On the lines of Pu. La.)

Disclaimer: This blog does not intend to hurt anyone’s sentiments and has been written in a lighter vein. The views stem from my personal experience, and others may beg to differ.

The humble SKNites at तळजाई

Last Sunday evening at my mom’s दरबार, the Kelkars of Sahakarnagar (SKN), Pune, got into a debate with the Aptes from Karvenagar/Kothrud (KK), Pune. It so happened that my twin sister, a resident of KK, casually mentioned about her having coffee and sourdough bread for breakfast every morning at an all-day dining restaurant in Kothrud after her daily gym workout. She didn’t mind spending 150 bucks for it, which included a great ambience, not to mention her perfect set of friends.☺️ What followed was an elaborate discussion on how it was somewhat irrational for anyone to spend so much on breakfast, every single morning. My brother, my husband (nearly a Kelkar now) and I, all residents of SKN, told her that this unhealthy food not only spiked the sugar levels but also the caffeine levels in her body. To prove our point, the following day we even posted the breakfast bill from our SKN area on our WhatsApp group, reiterating that a simple wholesome sumptuous healthy breakfast at a low cost with a close group of friends also gave the same happiness.😁 The discussion then steered onto how the KK residents (KKites) were different (read elite) from the SKN ones (SKNites). I snapped that “elite” was a word created in the dictionary only for the Prabhat Road residents (PRites).😎 PRites have been a completely different class since the beginning; they have always considered themselves genetically and phenotypically superior to any human race that ever existed on Earth. So much has been their influence that their pet dogs too have light-colored eyes.

Coming back to the conflict between the SKNites and KKites, we SKNites have always unanimously felt that the KKites have a superiority complex, for reasons best known to them. For the uninitiated, non-resident Puneites, and residents of Pune annexes, here is a quick guide to identify a KK रहिवासी.

Traits of archetype KKites

Needs no caption!

1. They are extremely confident and almost always well-dressed.

2. They are usually well-read and have a good sense of social responsibility. They make very good friends.

3. They love their “टेकडी” more than their spouses and flaunt their love for it as if they own it.

4. They are unable to accept तळजाई as a टेकडी and smartly turn down any request to accompany for a walk to SKN’s तळजाई.☹️

5. They consider themselves as the fittest humans and spend a lot of time on their fitness regimes (gym, cycling, marathons, etc.). They prefer to think that their KK area produces the maximum iron men/women of our country.

6. They are very accepting of the cosmopolitan culture but secretly like being “मराठी”.

7. They do not plan breakfast/lunch/supper/dinner with friends in areas other than KK and occasionally oblige the SKNites by dining in the SKN area.🙂

8. They use more English words than Marathi in their daily Marathi conversation.

9. They seem to have an influence of Mumbai because it’s closer to them.

10. They enthusiastically participate in debates and lengthy discussions on American politics but are not necessarily keen on voting in their constituencies. They love to flaunt their NOTA votes and make sure their non-KK friends know about it.

11. They refuse to believe that property rates in SKN area are at par with those in KK area. If their friends buy a property in SKN area, they feel sorry for them and ask, “आई गं! प्रभात रोड ला नाही, पण कोथरूड एरिया मध्ये पण नाही मिळाला का फ्लॅट?” 😅

12. They do not hesitate to ask the SKNites: “सहकारनगर कुठे आलं हो? नदीच्या अलीकडे कि पलीकडे?”

13. They believe that KK is not only the center of Pune but also of this universe. That’s why some call it UK (United Kothrud, Kothrud annex included).

14. Most people from Pune’s पेठ areas migrate to KK area, making them Punekars to the core but hybrid by choice.

15. They think that KP is “Kothrud परिसर” and not Koregaon Park.

16. It is hard to convince them that areas other than KK also have excellent life-saving hospitals with state-of-the-art medical facilities.

All roads lead to …

I personally believe that KKites are genetically the same as SKNites, but actually behave like PRites. This difference of opinion with my sister and the subsequent blog on KKites do not arise from the abovementioned recent debate, but I have felt this way about the KKites since a long time. IMO, SKNites are humble (like Baahubali), whereas KKites are the flamboyant lot (like Devasena). To put it in simple Marathi— “प्रचंड आगाऊ”; but whatever the KKites do, SKNites still love them for what they are.🥰 It is really not difficult to find/spot a KKite; their gestures, behavior, and mannerisms say it all. Isn’t it amusing that सगळंच पुण्याचं पाणी, पण प्रयेक भागातील पाण्याची चव निराळी? Nevertheless, while they continue to preserve their individual characteristics, neither the KKites, SKNites, nor PRites should forget that they are Puneites, Maharashtrians, Indians, and finally humans on the larger scale! 😇

With inputs from SKNites and KKites